Round 8: Slender Man vs Neomaria

Acelegin; Hello, everybody! I'm Acelegin!

Red Daniel; And I'm his lovely assistant, Red Daniel.

Acelegin; We somehow didn't get in trouble for Red Daniel's tomfuckery last time, so we get to commentate on the last fight of the first section or whatever of this tournament. And our first combatant is Slender Man!

Red; Daniel; Wait,the actual Slender Man?

Acelegin; I think it's like a joke version of him or something. I don't know, but he has a gun for some reason.

A spotlight comes on, revealing the Slender Man, armed with a gun.

Acelegin; And our next fighter is a surprise appearance from Neomaria!

A second spotlight comes on, revealing a pale girl with dark hair and eyes, dressed in a white robe that is torn across the stomach. Her shadow seems to be darker than it should be, and twitches at random.

Red Daniel; Oh, she's creepy-cute. I like it. Also, loving the outfit. Torn robes are so in right now.

Acelegin;Please keep your vices in check, Red. Anyway, moving on to the arena, it's time for the spinny-do!

Acelegin spins a roulette wheel, which slowly comes to a halt.

Acelegin; Our fight will be taking place in a small coastal city near the beach.

Red Daniel; That sounds... surprisingly normal...

Acelegin; ...That was recently hit by a giant tsunami.

Red Daniel; Jesus! What is it with all the natural disasters?

Acelegin; I don't know man. I'm starting to think I have bad luck with roulette wheels...

Slender Man and Neomaria are transported to a beach-side city that is very destroyed and very wet.

Red Daniel; Hey, can I step out for just a bit?

Acelegin; This isn't another bathroom break, is it?

Red Daniel; No, but there's about to be a fight between a tentacle monster and a cute, kinda creepy chick. I need popcorn for this.

Acelegin sighs.

Acelegin; You have five minutes.

Acelegin taps on his watch threateningly.

Acelegin; No more than that!

Red Daniel; You got it, boss!

Acelegin; And bring me some beer on your way back. And you two! Entertain yourselves until he gets back! The fight will begin once I give the okay!

4 and a half minutes later.

Acelegin is sitting, keeping an eye on his watch. Neomaria is sitting in a corner, looking miserable, and Slender Man has constructed a high-dive out of debris and is practicing various diving techniques into the ocean. Red Daniel returns with a bag of popcorn and a case of beer.

Acelegin; Good, you made it back in time. You didn't get into any shenanigans this time, did you?

Red Daniel; Of course not! Like any responsible popcorn maker, I stood patiently by the microwave and kept track of the amount of time between each op to make sure it was done right. Also...

Red Daniel holds up the case of beer, looking at Acelegin disapprovingly.

Red Daniel; Milwaukee's Best Premium? Fucking seriously, dude?

Acelegin; It's cheap, okay!? Don't fucking judge me...

Red Daniel sets the beer in front of them and opens his popcorn bag.

Red Daniel; Whatever, dude...

Acelegin cracks open a beer and turns to address the combatants.

Acelegin; Alright you two! Let the fight BEGIN!

Slender Man immediately fires his gun at Neomaria, but a tendril of darkness sprouts from her shadow, smacking the bullet away.

Red Daniel; Whoa! Is tha what I think it was?

Acelegin; It seems she's got Nightlanders living in shadow, helping her out.

Red Daniel; Is... is that allowed?

Acelegin; No clue. Apparently scattering weapons throughout the arena is allowed, so who fucking knows?

Red Daniel; Well, it seems Slender Man's decided to try something other than the gun, and is extending branches out to attack her. But a bunch of Nightlanders emerged to hold them back.

Acelegin; Neomaria is now running away, searching for something to fight back with.

Red Daniel; Well, I didn't hide anything for her, so that might be a bit tricky.

Acelegin; Slender Man is giving chase after her, and she seems to be panicking. She's spotted a broken pipe and armed herself with it.

Red Daniel; Slender Man has gotten up close, and is aiming his gun, but a bunch of Nightlander hands have risen from her shadow and are restraining his arm.

Acelegin; She's smacked him across the skull with the pipe, which doesn't seem to have done much. Now he's sprouting more tentacles, and-

Red Daniel; Oh no!

Acelegin; What is it?

Red Daniel; I've spilled a bunch of popcorn on my feet. And I'm not wearing any shoes...

Acelegin; Red...

Red Daniel; (coyly) Now my toes are all salty, and covered in butter...

Acelegin; Can you not?

Red Daniel; (seductively)If only there was someone who could suck them clean for me...

Acelegin; Stop being horny! Oh, god damn it! You distracted me from the fight! Okay so... wait, where did all these people come from?

Red Daniel; Oh shit, it looks like a bunch of people got into the arena somehow. You think they'd be interested in my toes?

Acelegin; Someone must have left the door unlocked, and they wandered in off the street!

Red Daniel; It wasn't me this time! I swear!

Acelegin; Well, I set up security cameras this time, so we can verify that later. Anyway, it looks like Neomaria was able to gain some distance from Slender Man while I was distracted.

Red Daniel; Yep, and now Slender Man is brainwashing all the random people and sending them to attack her.

Acelegin; Not doing a lot of good. The Nightlanders are slaughtering anyone who gets close to her. Those poor bastards...

Red Daniel; Not gonna lie, I'm kinda into it.

Acelegin; That doesn't surprise me... Anyway, Slender Man has taken aim while the Nightlanders are busy with the brainwashed people, and has taken a shot at Neomaria. She reacted in time to avoid a lethal shot, but the bullet did graze her shoulder.

Red Daniel; Slender Man's taking another shot, and this time he's embedded a bullet in her upper forearm. She's dropped her pipe and is crying out in pain.

Acelegin; Slender Man is now reloading his gun. She's taken the chance to pick her pipe back up and is glancing around desperately. She's still surrounded by brainwashed people, and Slender Man has finished reloading and is taking aim again.

Red Daniel; Wait! She seems to have spotted something, and is running toward it!

Acelegin; Slender Man is firing at her, but the Nightlanders are blocking his shots. He's also sending his remaining brainwashed dudes to try and stop her.

Red Daniel; But where is she headed exactly?

Acelegin squints in the direction she's heading, then raises his brow in alarm.

Acelegin; Oh no! She's headed towards the open door that all those people came through! She's making a break for it!

Red Daniel; Slender Man has realized this as well, and is intensifying his pursuit. He's using his branches like spider webs in order to get at her faster.

Acelegin; Neomaria has realized that he's gaining on her and... holy shit...

Red Daniel; Whoa, yeah. Now she's riding a wave of Nightlanders to get the the exit sooner.

Acelegin; This would be totally badass under other circumstances, but I'm pretty sure contestants escaping is a bad thing...

Red Daniel; She's almost to the exit, and Slender Man's taking aim to try and stop her. But The Nightlanders block his shot right before... aaaaaand, she's crossed the threshold and slammed the door behind her...

Acelegin; And now Slender Man is looking up at us in what I can only assume is a confused expression...

Acelegin and Red Daniel sit in silence for a few moments.

Red Daniel; So, um... she's out of bounds, right?

Acelegin; I mean, technically, I guess... She's not in the arena anymore...

Red Daniel; So... does that mean she's disqualified?

Acelegin; I... I have no idea..

Red Daniel; So, what do we do now?

Acelegin; I... I'm thinking about that... I guess I can call the other announcers on Discord and see what they think...

Acelegin checks his phone.

Acelegin; Well, they're all offline... Okay, you know what? Here's what we're gonna do. I know a guy who might be able to track Neomaria down. I'll call him up and see if he can get her back here to continue the fight. While I'm doing that, you check the cams and see if you can figure out who the fuck opened that door.

Red Daniel; On it.

Acelegin; And Slender Man! You just hang tight until we can figure this out, okay?

Acelegin dials up a number on his phone.

Acelegin; Hello? Yes, this is the creator. Hey, you know all those times I retconned your death? Yeah, I'm gonna need to call in a favor for that...

Some time later, a distant alleyway.

Neomaria, exhausted, sits leaning against a building, panting. A man in dark clothing approaches her.

Man; Miss Mayhew, I presume?

Neomaria bolts upright in alarm.

Neomaria; How do you know my name!? Who are you!?

Man; My name is William Dawson. You can call me Bill.

Bill Dawson takes a step closer.

Neomaria; Stay back! If you come any closer-

Bill Dawson; They won't harm me.

Bill Dawson's right arm, along with the left side of his face and his hair shift into a strange, shadowy substance.

Bill Dawson; I'm on their side. At least, in this canon, anyway... It's how I know your name, and how I was able to find you.

Neomaria; I... I see...

Bill Dawson; I heard about your fight from Acelegin. He asked me to find you and bring you back. Any way I could convince you to finish your match.

Neomaria; (angrily) No! I didn't even want to be there in the first place! I was roped into it against my will! I just want-

Bill Dawson raises a hand to silence her.

Bill Dawson; I understand. A friend of the Shadows is a friend of mine. I'll inform Acelegin that you were hit by a train and killed while escaping. You'll be Scot-free.

Neomaria; Will he... believe that?

Bill Dawson rolls his eyes.

Bill Dawson; He's a fucking idiot. He won't question it.

Later, back in the announcer's booth.

Acelegin is on the phone with Bill Dawson.

Acelegin; I see. That's pretty tragic... Well, thank you for you help.

Acelegin hangs up as Red Daniel re-enters the booth.

Red Daniel; I skimmed the tapes. Some chick with a sword picked the lock and left the door open, with a sign saying “free beer”.

Acelegin; Well, that explains why s many people wandered in...

Red Daniel; Any news on the creepy-cute girl?

Acelegin; Dawson says she was hit by a train.

Red Daniel; And you believe him?

Acelegin; Fuck no! He's a genocidal sociopath! I don't trust a word he says.

Red Daniel; So what do we do?

Acelegin; You know what? This whole thing is killing my buzz. Let's just name Slender Man the winner and go home.

Red Daniel; Sounds good!

Acelegin; And Red?

Red Daniel; Yeah?

Acelegin; Wash your fuck fucking feet! I can still smell popcorn on them!

Red Daniel leans over the booth.

Red Daniel; Hey Slendy! Can I borrow one of your brain puppets for... toe sucking purposes?

Acelegin smacks Red Daniel on the back of the head.

Acelegin; Stop! It!