Thursday, March 19, 2020

Round 12: Drake Miri vs The Jester

Hello everyone it's me The Announcer. That's right The! Not like all those other announcers. I'm the real announcer. The one who's been here since day on- Okay technically that's not true as there were like multiple announcers in that first tournament cause they kept dying, but um I've been here the longest and survived the most tournaments and I will survive this one... Even if apparently my death has been mandated this time... We'll see about that. See I brought protection. I got a friend up here who will keep me alive. Isn't that right?

Genome: Indeed it is. I'm totally here to protect this worthless fleshbag and not just here to see Drake get cut into tiny pieces by The Jester.

Once again there's no wheel as both contestants have agreed on a place to fight. The Jester suggested it and Drake agreed... Granted he agreed because Jester was "definitely not" threatening him with the knife "He just happened to be holding" at the time, but hey there's no rule about decisions made under duress in this tournament... I'm not sure there's actually any rules at all. Anyway the contestants are on the Game Master's Board. Drake has his tonfas at the ready and Jester... Has brought a bunch of friends... Seems like it's the rest of his group The Misfits. So... I guess it's Drake vs Jester and his misfits... That's really unfair, but I did already say there doesn't seem to actually be any rules and I'm sure Jester would remove my fingernails one by one if I actually tried to interfere anyway. Anything you have to say Genome?

Genome: Hey Drake! I'm looking forward to watching you die!

Drake has turned to look at the announcer's booth.

Drake: Was that Genome's voice?

The match has started and Gigglepuss has rushed at Drake who's still staring at the announcer's booth. Gigglepuss slashes at Drake's face and Drake has... sidestepped without even looking at Gigglepuss and swung one tonfa around at the back of his head while the other slammed into his gut and then sent him tumbling face first onto the ground.

Drake: No seriously. Was that fucking Genome? Is Genome here right now?!

Gigglepuss is on the ground giggling like a mad man, but doesn't seem to be getting back up. Mr. Bun has rushed in. He slams his fists down towards Drake who blocks it with the Tonfa's before tossing them away and drawing out his knife making a quick slash across Mr. Bun's throat causing the large man to drop to his knees clutching at his bleeding wound as Drake moves past him towards the announcer's booth.

Drake: Seriously. Answer my question!

Jester's sending Lady to try and get Drake's attention, but Drake has stabbed Lady in the eye  before Lady even opened his mouth and then proceeded to stab him repeatedly in the torso while repeatedly yelling.

Drake: If Genome is up there I'm fucking coming up there and wrecking shit! So you better tell me if he's up there!

He's... uh... Really fixated on you, huh?

Genome: Oh definitely...

Wait Genome that's my mic you can't!

Genome: Hey Drake! I am here in the announcer booth. If you win you can come up and say hi!

Drake: Oh I'm definitely coming up there you bastard!

Jester: Hey! Kid! We're supposed to be fighting here! Can you focus?

Drake turns on Jester.

Drake: Right... You're my opponent. I kill you and then I kill Genome...

Jester: You know... I'm kind of liking this version of you. All violent and strangely efficient... Maybe instead of killing you I'll make you one of my new misfits... I mean seeing as you've killed all of them, but Crybaby over here.

Jester says gesturing to the old man currently curled into a ball crying. It should be noted he started doing that at the very beginning of the match and I don't think it's actually related to the match itself.

Drake does not seem to care about Jester's taunting and has just begun heading towards Jester. Jester  draws out a bunch of knives tossing them at Drake. Drake does not dodge. Taking a knife in his left shoulder, right forearm and seemingly his chest, but he doesn't seem to slow as he in fact starts running at Jester.

Jester takes a step back.

Jester: Are you... Doesn't that hurt?

Drake: Not as much as hearing Genome's stupid fucking voice does!

He yells as he reaches Jester and stabs his knife at him. Jester catches his knife with his knife and draws another knife slashing it at Drake, Drake takes the knife to the face cutting a large gash over his face, but this just seems to make him angry and he lowers his head and slams it into Jester's stomach causing Jester to grunt in surprise. He staggers back.

Jester: Did... Did you just headbutt me?

He asked in a wheezing voice and Drake responds by tackling him and proceeding to stab him repeatedly in the chest and neck. I guess he wins.

Genome: Well done, Drake!

Drake is er... Now heading towards the announcers booth... Um... Genome you're going to protect me ri- Oh Genome's left... Well that's not- Oh hi Drake...No I don't know where Genome is he just kind of ran off... No I can't bring him back... Yes you can stop screaming his name... You should calm do- Oh god you stabbed me! Oh god why are you still stabbing m- 

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