Phase 3, Round 13; Hella vs Shan Cassidy

Acelegin; Hello, everybody! I'm your host, Acelegin!

Red Daniel; And I'm his assistant, Daniel “Red” Ferris!

Acelegin; And we are now in the third phase of the tournament, hosting round 13!

Red Daniel; Yeah, so there's a bit of a broken pattern there that's bugging me more than it should. We hosted round 4 and 8, but someone else did 12.

Acelegin shrugs.

Acelegin; Doesn't bother me much.

The ghost of the Ace of Chaos materializes between Acelegin and Red Daniel.

Ghost Ace of Chaos; And I'm here too!

Red Daniel; Gah!What the hell!?

Acelegin; Oh, hey man. Sup?

Ghost Ace of Chaos; Well, I lost my fight, and now I'm a ghost.

Red Daniel; But you're supposed to be one of Ace's most OP characters! How did one of these smucks get the jump on you.

Ghost Ace of Chaos; They caught me off guard with a tentacle-y Dying Man shard.

Red Daniel; Lucky bastard...

Ghost Ace of Chaos; And I wasn't really giving it my all. I mean, death doesn't have much consequence when you can just come back as a magic ghost.

Red Daniel; But how are you supposed to drink alcohol now?

The Ghost Ace of Chaos stares down at his transparent hands.

Ghost Ace of Chaos; You just had to point out the downside to this, didn't you?

Red Daniel; So how are nicknames supposed to work with you here? Which of you do I call Ace?

Acelegin; Keep calling me Ace, and call him Ghost or something.

Ghost Ace of Chaos; That works.

Acelegin; Anyway, this is kind mine and Red's thing, so...

Ghost Ace of Chaos; Got it! I'll keep quiet and let you do your thing. I just wanted to come hang out.

Acelegin; Okay. So, introducing our contestants! First, we have Hella!

A spotlight comes on, revealing a pale skinned girl in a gray hoodie, with messy brown hair and scars over her left eye.

Red Daniel; All right! Another creepy-cute girl!

Acelegin; And her opponent will be... Oh hey, it looks like we got Shan again! What are the odds?

Another spotlight comes on, revealing Shan Cassidy, whose metal bat has been split in two and poorly duct taped back together.

Ghost Ace of Chaos; Oh hey! I know her! She was my opponent last time! Hey Shan! Shaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

The Ghost Ace of Chaos begins waving at Shan Cassidy, who looks up at him in a state of shock and confusion.

Ghost Ace of Chaos; How ya doing!? Tell your shard I said “fuck you”! Good luck out there!

Red Daniel; All right, settle down, Ghosty-goo. Ace, the spinny-do?

Acelegin; I'm on it.

Acelegin spins a roulette wheel, that slowly comes to a halt.

Acelegin; And our arena this time will be... a metropolitan city!

Red Daniel; And what kind of natural disaster recently hit this arena.

Acelegin; Well, uh... It wasn't recently hit by anything...

Red Daniel; Oh. That's a change of pace...

Acelegin; But it is currently being hit by a category three hurricane...

The announcer's booth and contestants are transported to a city being ravaged by an intense hurricane. Shan Cassidy and Hella grab onto some street signs to keep their footing.

Red Daniel; (shouting to be heard over the wind) Jesus!! The wind is so loud!!

Acelegin; (also shouting) It looks really dangerous out there!!

Red Daniel; Why was this even on the spinny-do!!? This is a horrible place for a fight!!

Acelegin; I don't know, but my luck with that thing seems to be getting worse.

The Ghost Ace of Chaos calmly overlooks the battlefield, arms folded.

Ghost Ace of Chaos; This looks promising.

Red Daniel; Hey Ace!!? I know we're safe up here the the booth, but the girls don't have that luxury!!

Acelegin; Yeah, we'd better get this started before the storm kills them both!! Let the fight BEGIN!!

Hella draws a serrated knife and releases her grip on her street sign, allowing the wind to carry her toward Shan.

Acelegin; Okay, Hella has immediately taken the offense, but Shan is keeping her at bay by wildly flailing her bat around!!

Red Daniel; Hella doesn't seem overly concerned with her own safety, and is just focusing on trying to land an attack!!

Acelegin; Yeah, I'm pretty sure Hella just revives any time she dies, so getting killed here has about as much as it did for Ghost man over here!!

Red Daniel; Okay, Shan's released her grip on the sign and is making a break for it!! It seems the wind has slowed just enough that she can keep herself on the ground!!

Acelegin; It looks like Shan's taken cover in a nearby building, and Hella is following her in, knife ready!!

Red Daniel; Oh God!! The blood!! The carnage!! The unrelenting violence!! ...Is likely what I'd be saying if I could see in there...!!

Acelegin; Yeah, including indoor sections in a battlefield that people are supposed to be commentating on is a bit of a design flaw...!!

Acelegin and Red Daniel sit in silence for a few moments, staring at the building.

Red Daniel; So, have you seen the new Juman-!!

Hella suddenly comes crashing out of a second floor window and lands on an overturned car in the middle of the street.

Acelegin; Oh, hey, something's happening!! Hella seems to still be alive, and is no longer carrying her knife!!

Red Daniel; Yeah, I can see Shan in the window!! She's got the knife stabbed into hr thigh and is bleeding in a way that some might describe as “Profusely!!”

Acelegin; And the wind just blew her out of the window and carried her a distance away!! She's now pinned against a wall!!

Red Daniel; Hella has now ripped a pipe from the car and is charging at Shan!! Shan has ripped the knife out of her thigh and thrown it, hitting Hella in the shoulder, grazing it a bit!!

The winds suddenly slow down, and the atmosphere becomes a lot gentler.

Acelegin; Oh, it looks like we're in the eye of the storn now.

Red Daniel; Does this mean we can stop shouting now?

Acelegin; For the time being, I guess. Not sure how long this'll last, but let's enjoy it while we can.

Red Daniel; Okay, well Hella and Shan are now dueling with their bat and pipe, but Shan is struggling with her wounded leg.

Acelegin; Shan just slipped and fell down onto one knee. Hella's now pinning her weapon hand to the ground with her pipe, and is reaching toward Shan's chest with her free hand.

Red Daniel; Now her eyes are glowing yellow, and Shan's expression has shifted from agony to horror.

Acelegin; But wait! What's this? It seems Shan's AP has reached its maximum, as her expression has shifted once again to violent determination! She bolts back up onto her feet, causing Hella to stumble backwards in shock!

Red Daniel; She's now Smacking the pipe out of Hella's hand, tearing the duct tape in the process, causing the top part of the bat to fly off.

Acelegin; Hella has regained her composure, and is now really pissed. She's making another motion to palm strike Shan's chest.

Red Daniel; Shan has tightened her grip of what's left of her bat, and jams it right into Hella's torso, right as Hella's attack lands.

Acelegin; Oh dear, it seems Shan has collapsed. Hella must've stopped her heart with her powers...

Red Daniel; But Hella didn't make it out unscathed. That bt is stabbed pretty deep into her gut, and it does not look pleseant.

Acelegin; Hella is indeed bleeding pretty heavily, and has collapsed to her knees, panting.

Red Daniel; Wow. We should probably call an ambulance for-

Acelegin; Wait! It seems Hella hasn't won yet! I just saw Shan move.

Red Daniel; Hontou? Oh, you're right! Shan's struggling to rise up! I guess the heart stopping thing's only temporary.

Acelegin; Shan has gotten back up onto her knees, and is looking back up at Hella. Hella looks pissed as always. The yellow light is slowly fading, and... yep, she's bleeding out.

Red Daniel; Aaaaaaaaaaaand she's dead. Wow. Um... congrats Shan!

Acelegin; Yeah! Good job. I always love a good David vs Goliath victory.

The Ghost Ace of chaos silently claps his hands.

Red Daniel; And to think. She made it three whole rounds without getting blown up by a rock monster.

Acelegin; Okay! That's it!

A pair of gloves materialize on Acelegin's hands. He removed one and slaps Red Daniel across the face with it.

Red Daniel; Gah! The fuck!

Acelegin; I've had enough of your disrespect, good sir! I doth hereby challengeth thee to a battle-ith!

Red Daniel; Well, I do hereby verily except-ith thine invitation!

Acelegin and Red Daniel vanish from the booth, reappearing in the battlefield, each wielding a flint-lock pistol, and Shan Cassidy appears in the booth in their place.

Shan Cassidy; Okay... um... I'm Shan, and I guess I'm... commenting on.. their fight now... what?

Ghost Ace of Chaos; Yeah, I'm confused too. But whatever, just roll with it.

Shan Cassidy; And I'm stuck with the ghost of my previous opponent. Fucking... great. Whatever. Let's just get this over with...

Acelegin; Okay, they seem to be doing this old school pistol duel style. They've taken their paces, their turning now, and... they've both fired.

Shan Cassidy; Oh Jeez, both of them are bleeding pretty badly...

The winds kick back up again, and a couple trees get uprooted.

Shan; And the storms brewing again. Wonderful.

Ghost Ace of Chaos; Neither of them seem too bothered by their wounds, or the storm. Red Daniel has taken advantage of his bleeding and has summoned a blood crystal sword and several crystal shards.

Shan Cassidy; Red send them flying at Ace, but he simply dodges them all and charges right at Red Daniel, picking up a broken street sign to wield as a weapon.

Ghost Ace of Chaos; The two of them are now locked in intense melee combat.

Shan Cassidy; Wait, Red Daniel's supposed to be some kind of overpowered demi-god, right? How is Acelegin holding his own right now? He's just some normal guy, right?

Ghost Ace of Chaos; considering your last three opponents, including me, you're the last person who should be questioning this. But if you really wanna know, none of Acelegin's creations can defeat him in battle. He's always exactly as powerful as he needs to be to win against them.

Shan Cassidy; That seems kind of broken, doesn't it?

The Ghost Ace of Chaos shrugs.

Shan Cassidy; Whatever. Okay, the fight's still going on, and... holy shit! Ace just picked up an uprooted tree and smcked the shit out of Red with it!

Ghost Ace of Chaos; And now he's taking this opertunity to get up close and grab Red Daniel's head.

Shan Cassidy; And he just violently twisted it around, snapping Red's neck. So, I guess Acelegin wins... And now he's striking a victory pose... In the middle of a hurricane... Aaaaaaaaaand a flying car just crashed into him...

Ghost Ace of Chaos; Oooooh... That looked painful.

Shan Cassidy; Yep, he's definitely dead.

Ghost Ace of Chaos; I'd say that's probably worse than that other time he got hit by a car...

Shan Cassidy; So, there you have it, folks. They're dead, this masked wizard dude is dead, I won my fight, and... I'm... I'm very light headed right now...

Ghost Ace of Chaos; Oh, yeah. You're still bleeding from the leg. We should probably do something about that...

Round 12: Drake Miri vs The Jester

Hello everyone it's me The Announcer. That's right The! Not like all those other announcers. I'm the real announcer. The one who's been here since day on- Okay technically that's not true as there were like multiple announcers in that first tournament cause they kept dying, but um I've been here the longest and survived the most tournaments and I will survive this one... Even if apparently my death has been mandated this time... We'll see about that. See I brought protection. I got a friend up here who will keep me alive. Isn't that right?

Genome: Indeed it is. I'm totally here to protect this worthless fleshbag and not just here to see Drake get cut into tiny pieces by The Jester.

Once again there's no wheel as both contestants have agreed on a place to fight. The Jester suggested it and Drake agreed... Granted he agreed because Jester was "definitely not" threatening him with the knife "He just happened to be holding" at the time, but hey there's no rule about decisions made under duress in this tournament... I'm not sure there's actually any rules at all. Anyway the contestants are on the Game Master's Board. Drake has his tonfas at the ready and Jester... Has brought a bunch of friends... Seems like it's the rest of his group The Misfits. So... I guess it's Drake vs Jester and his misfits... That's really unfair, but I did already say there doesn't seem to actually be any rules and I'm sure Jester would remove my fingernails one by one if I actually tried to interfere anyway. Anything you have to say Genome?

Genome: Hey Drake! I'm looking forward to watching you die!

Drake has turned to look at the announcer's booth.

Drake: Was that Genome's voice?

The match has started and Gigglepuss has rushed at Drake who's still staring at the announcer's booth. Gigglepuss slashes at Drake's face and Drake has... sidestepped without even looking at Gigglepuss and swung one tonfa around at the back of his head while the other slammed into his gut and then sent him tumbling face first onto the ground.

Drake: No seriously. Was that fucking Genome? Is Genome here right now?!

Gigglepuss is on the ground giggling like a mad man, but doesn't seem to be getting back up. Mr. Bun has rushed in. He slams his fists down towards Drake who blocks it with the Tonfa's before tossing them away and drawing out his knife making a quick slash across Mr. Bun's throat causing the large man to drop to his knees clutching at his bleeding wound as Drake moves past him towards the announcer's booth.

Drake: Seriously. Answer my question!

Jester's sending Lady to try and get Drake's attention, but Drake has stabbed Lady in the eye  before Lady even opened his mouth and then proceeded to stab him repeatedly in the torso while repeatedly yelling.

Drake: If Genome is up there I'm fucking coming up there and wrecking shit! So you better tell me if he's up there!

He's... uh... Really fixated on you, huh?

Genome: Oh definitely...

Wait Genome that's my mic you can't!

Genome: Hey Drake! I am here in the announcer booth. If you win you can come up and say hi!

Drake: Oh I'm definitely coming up there you bastard!

Jester: Hey! Kid! We're supposed to be fighting here! Can you focus?

Drake turns on Jester.

Drake: Right... You're my opponent. I kill you and then I kill Genome...

Jester: You know... I'm kind of liking this version of you. All violent and strangely efficient... Maybe instead of killing you I'll make you one of my new misfits... I mean seeing as you've killed all of them, but Crybaby over here.

Jester says gesturing to the old man currently curled into a ball crying. It should be noted he started doing that at the very beginning of the match and I don't think it's actually related to the match itself.

Drake does not seem to care about Jester's taunting and has just begun heading towards Jester. Jester  draws out a bunch of knives tossing them at Drake. Drake does not dodge. Taking a knife in his left shoulder, right forearm and seemingly his chest, but he doesn't seem to slow as he in fact starts running at Jester.

Jester takes a step back.

Jester: Are you... Doesn't that hurt?

Drake: Not as much as hearing Genome's stupid fucking voice does!

He yells as he reaches Jester and stabs his knife at him. Jester catches his knife with his knife and draws another knife slashing it at Drake, Drake takes the knife to the face cutting a large gash over his face, but this just seems to make him angry and he lowers his head and slams it into Jester's stomach causing Jester to grunt in surprise. He staggers back.

Jester: Did... Did you just headbutt me?

He asked in a wheezing voice and Drake responds by tackling him and proceeding to stab him repeatedly in the chest and neck. I guess he wins.

Genome: Well done, Drake!

Drake is er... Now heading towards the announcers booth... Um... Genome you're going to protect me ri- Oh Genome's left... Well that's not- Oh hi Drake...No I don't know where Genome is he just kind of ran off... No I can't bring him back... Yes you can stop screaming his name... You should calm do- Oh god you stabbed me! Oh god why are you still stabbing m- 

Round 11: Kai Ling vs. Alicia Owly

It is I, Terrence Anathema, once again, for my third round of this here tournament, the eleventh round in total, and second round of phase two. And once again, I can scarcely believe my eyes: Our first contestant today is one Kai Ling, moving on to his second round of this tournament after having a very intimate knife party with the departed Kaden Crowley in an elevator in an underground car park; and, to my surprise and amusement, our second contestant is Alicia Owly, who I am acquainted with from my previous round of narration. I know what she can do, and I think I should have to place my proverbial bets on her for this round. Our arena for today is the car park outside the library where Alicia and Jordan fought, and from what I can tell Alicia has been sat outside the library since the end of her last round (and, as an aside, Jordan has regained his composure and is continuing his Joyce studies inside with the book Alicia left with him). Since Kai's last round was also in a car park, this could be anyone's game, really.

Our players have readied themselves and are now beginning their fight. However, I find myself being tapped on the shoulder, and when I turn I see Archangard standing behind me.

"Hey there, Terrence. How are we tonight?" he asks me, and I nod to show that I am doing okay.

"Been a while, man. I am not surprised to find you here, for I knew you would survive Hella's heart-stop attack after you left the arena."

"Ah, yes, that. I took a good long sabbatical after that, and now I'm back to normal, I think. And speaking of, how is she doing in this tournament?"

"She killed your slender man," I tell him, and see a hint of a smile cross Arkngard's face.

"Not surprising. I wish her well, so do be sure to let her know that when next you see her." He gets up to leave me to this round of narration, but hesitates and turns back to face me after a second. "Oh, right, nearly forgot. The reason I came here is to let you know that I've been hanging around the Fear Mythos Discord server, and the higher-ups of this tournament, those whose power is beyond yours or mine, have slated you to die after this round." As he says this, a look of horror creeps onto my face, and he continues: "However, I can save you, if you'd like. And I can tell that you would like me to; that's quite the face you've got on right now," he says and lets out a reassuring little laugh.

"Yes, my face betrays my desire; I would quite like that," I say in reply.

"Not so fast, man. I will save your life if you really want me to, however my doing so will come with a grim revelation, and if you're unequipped to handle its ramifications, you might quickly come to regret your choice, and it will be for nothing." He pauses, allowing me to ponder my predicament.

As I think on my situation, I turn again to view the arena. I can see Kai has managed to steal Alicia's gun and is firing wildly at her. He never did have all that good aim, I recall from reading about his last fight. Alicia looks to be under cover of a car, lying in wait for Kai to approach. I am going to officially make my prediction that she will be the one who wins this fight.

With that, I turn back to Archangard, still somewhat uncertain about my choice. "Can you maybe give to me a hint as to what this revelation will be?"

"I suppose so. Have you read my dear colleague Magreat's blog The Blog Without a Face?"

I can't say I saw that coming. "I have, yeah, but, God, it's been years. So the big twist of that blog is the big twist of my life, I take it?" Arkngard nods. "Well, I actually have been considering that possibility for some time now. In fact, my writing Autumn of Black Leaves kind of solidified that thought in my mind, made me believe that it was pretty much guaranteed."

"Then get ready, and we'll be off in just a moment." He gets his phone out and starts typing away on the screen. After a bit he speaks again: "It looks like the fight is over, so when you're ready, announce the results and we'll be off."

I turn back to the arena one last time. Kai is on the ground, still breathing, but not moving. Alicia has retrieved her gun, now empty, and walks back towards the library. Therefore, I declare for the second time, ladies, gentlemen, theydies, that Alicia Owly is the winner of this round.

With that, Archangard presses one final button on his phone, causing the world around us to fade to black for a moment. He seems to have teleported the both of us to a far away place, away from the Fear Mythos higher-ups' grasp. I can't describe the place we're now in, because I can't risk them finding me. I turn again to face Arkngard, then recoil in horror.

"Something's changed, that's not your face. It's mine! It's mine!"

Round 10: Shan Cassidy vs. the Ace of Chaos

This next fight is between Shan Cassidy and the Ace of Chaos, because apparently having a master of chaos magic go against a random twenty-year-old who looks like she shops at Hot Topic is a fair fight.

The wheel goes spinny, and it lands on... wow, that's boring. It's just a bridge over a dark river at night. Shan's on one end of the bridge, and the Ace is on the other.

"...Well," he says, tilting his head. It would be hard to tell what he's feeling behind his mask, but his voice says it all. Chaos halos form around him.
She sighs. "More of this bullshit, huh? Whatever." She grips her bat tight. "Let's get this over with."

The Ace throws one of his halos. Shan, not taking any chances, dodges out of the way and starts running at him.

"I'd rather not have to do this, but you're not leaving me much choice," Shan says as she gets close to the Ace and prepares to swing her bat.
"I don't think you'll get the chance to do much of anything," the Ace replies as he grabs one of the chaos halos and slices it at her. She swings her bat into the chaos halo, but it cuts through the bat.
"I don't like that," she growls. "Hey, Unforgivable, mind backing me up a bit here?"
Shan smiles as tendrils made of shadow erupt from her back. "No problem," she says, her voice still the same but her tone far more malicious.
"Oh, good, she's got a Dying Man shard in her," says the Ace, backing up.

The Ace throws a chaos halo at Shan, or rather, the Unforgivable. She tosses it aside with one of her shadow tendrils and laughs.

"It's going to take a lot more than that to kill me, little man."
"How about this?" The Ace summons a chaos sword and charges, but she places a tendril on his chest and pushes him away. She's stiff-arming him with eldritch magic, in other words.

"Cute toys you've got there," she says, laughing.
"They're not."

The Ace slices the Unforgivable's tendril with his chaos sword. The Unforgivable tries to disarm him with another tendril, but he cuts that too and closes the distance between the two of them.

The Ace charges, cutting each tendril the Unforgivable sends at him, and moves to plunge his chaos sword into her chest. It's about to make contact, but she punches him in the chest, sending him sprawling back.

"I don't usually take such a direct approach, but let it never be said that I can't get my hands dirty if I have to," she says as she keeps the Ace on the ground with her shadow tendrils.

The Ace struggles to get up, but the Unforgivable rises up on several tendrils like some kind of bootleg Slender Man and pulls herself toward him. She lowers herself back to the ground and stabs the tendrils into his chest. It looks pretty damn nasty.

We have a winner: Shan Cassidy, or the Unforgivable, or whatever!

Phase 2: Round 9, The Slender Man vs Hella

Congratulations to our contestants, you've all made it past your first round! Except the ones that didn't. This means that we'll be moving on to our second phase. Which is exactly the same as the first one.

This round will be between the Slender Man who is wearing a brand new suit. Looking good there buddy!

His opponent this time will be Hella, previously known as Fien De Vos. She in contrast is still wearing the same hoody as last time. It's kinda dirty from her last fight. Maybe it'd be a good idea to wash that.

We're behind schedule so let's spin the wheel and get this thing started.

* Drum rolls *

Our arena this time will be:

A Pokémon rock type gym arena!

Wait that's copyrighted. Great, our legal team isn't going to be happy about this. Unfortunately not much I can do about this. Let's get started then.

The Slender Man is about to say something. Hella doesn't care and runs behind one of the larger rocks. Slendy cocks his head to the side and shrugs. He then pulls out his gun and slithers over to where Hella is hiding.

Hella jumps out from behind cover!

Slendy fires his gun, Hella avoids the bullets by zigzagging between the rocks.

One of the bullet's grazes her shoulder. She doesn't even flinch and just keeps running.

Uh oh, it appears Slendy has ran out of bullets. Hella sees her opening and charges at Slendy with her knife.

She thrusts her knife at him but he is too slender and she misses!

She keeps going in a flurry of attacks. Slendy continues to be too slender.

A tentacle slams into her and sends her flying back a few meters.

Slendy takes this opportunity to reload his gun but Hella is already back on her feet as if nothing happened.

Slendy aims his gun at her again. Hella throws her knife at him. Slendy dodges it with his slenderness again.

But wait! What's this?! In his distraction Slendy didn't notice her reaching for his long arm. She has grabbed onto it and her eyes are glowing yellow. She's trying to stop his heart!

Wait does he even have one?

It seems he does because he has dropped to the ground and has curled up into a fetal position.

He has also dropped his gun and now Hella has picked it up.

Slendy raises his head only to see Hella walk up to him. She presses the barrel of the gun against his lack-of-a-face. Sweat drips down his blank head. “Man, I really hope I didn't get to load that gun.”

She pulls the trigger.

He did indeed manage to load that gun. The Slender man is dead and his body is deflating like a party balloon.

Hella turns and starts walking away. She seems to have decided to keep the gun for herself. She takes one look back and shakes her head. “I really do fucking hate faceless people.”

Round 8: Slender Man vs Neomaria

Acelegin; Hello, everybody! I'm Acelegin!

Red Daniel; And I'm his lovely assistant, Red Daniel.

Acelegin; We somehow didn't get in trouble for Red Daniel's tomfuckery last time, so we get to commentate on the last fight of the first section or whatever of this tournament. And our first combatant is Slender Man!

Red; Daniel; Wait,the actual Slender Man?

Acelegin; I think it's like a joke version of him or something. I don't know, but he has a gun for some reason.

A spotlight comes on, revealing the Slender Man, armed with a gun.

Acelegin; And our next fighter is a surprise appearance from Neomaria!

A second spotlight comes on, revealing a pale girl with dark hair and eyes, dressed in a white robe that is torn across the stomach. Her shadow seems to be darker than it should be, and twitches at random.

Red Daniel; Oh, she's creepy-cute. I like it. Also, loving the outfit. Torn robes are so in right now.

Acelegin;Please keep your vices in check, Red. Anyway, moving on to the arena, it's time for the spinny-do!

Acelegin spins a roulette wheel, which slowly comes to a halt.

Acelegin; Our fight will be taking place in a small coastal city near the beach.

Red Daniel; That sounds... surprisingly normal...

Acelegin; ...That was recently hit by a giant tsunami.

Red Daniel; Jesus! What is it with all the natural disasters?

Acelegin; I don't know man. I'm starting to think I have bad luck with roulette wheels...

Slender Man and Neomaria are transported to a beach-side city that is very destroyed and very wet.

Red Daniel; Hey, can I step out for just a bit?

Acelegin; This isn't another bathroom break, is it?

Red Daniel; No, but there's about to be a fight between a tentacle monster and a cute, kinda creepy chick. I need popcorn for this.

Acelegin sighs.

Acelegin; You have five minutes.

Acelegin taps on his watch threateningly.

Acelegin; No more than that!

Red Daniel; You got it, boss!

Acelegin; And bring me some beer on your way back. And you two! Entertain yourselves until he gets back! The fight will begin once I give the okay!

4 and a half minutes later.

Acelegin is sitting, keeping an eye on his watch. Neomaria is sitting in a corner, looking miserable, and Slender Man has constructed a high-dive out of debris and is practicing various diving techniques into the ocean. Red Daniel returns with a bag of popcorn and a case of beer.

Acelegin; Good, you made it back in time. You didn't get into any shenanigans this time, did you?

Red Daniel; Of course not! Like any responsible popcorn maker, I stood patiently by the microwave and kept track of the amount of time between each op to make sure it was done right. Also...

Red Daniel holds up the case of beer, looking at Acelegin disapprovingly.

Red Daniel; Milwaukee's Best Premium? Fucking seriously, dude?

Acelegin; It's cheap, okay!? Don't fucking judge me...

Red Daniel sets the beer in front of them and opens his popcorn bag.

Red Daniel; Whatever, dude...

Acelegin cracks open a beer and turns to address the combatants.

Acelegin; Alright you two! Let the fight BEGIN!

Slender Man immediately fires his gun at Neomaria, but a tendril of darkness sprouts from her shadow, smacking the bullet away.

Red Daniel; Whoa! Is tha what I think it was?

Acelegin; It seems she's got Nightlanders living in shadow, helping her out.

Red Daniel; Is... is that allowed?

Acelegin; No clue. Apparently scattering weapons throughout the arena is allowed, so who fucking knows?

Red Daniel; Well, it seems Slender Man's decided to try something other than the gun, and is extending branches out to attack her. But a bunch of Nightlanders emerged to hold them back.

Acelegin; Neomaria is now running away, searching for something to fight back with.

Red Daniel; Well, I didn't hide anything for her, so that might be a bit tricky.

Acelegin; Slender Man is giving chase after her, and she seems to be panicking. She's spotted a broken pipe and armed herself with it.

Red Daniel; Slender Man has gotten up close, and is aiming his gun, but a bunch of Nightlander hands have risen from her shadow and are restraining his arm.

Acelegin; She's smacked him across the skull with the pipe, which doesn't seem to have done much. Now he's sprouting more tentacles, and-

Red Daniel; Oh no!

Acelegin; What is it?

Red Daniel; I've spilled a bunch of popcorn on my feet. And I'm not wearing any shoes...

Acelegin; Red...

Red Daniel; (coyly) Now my toes are all salty, and covered in butter...

Acelegin; Can you not?

Red Daniel; (seductively)If only there was someone who could suck them clean for me...

Acelegin; Stop being horny! Oh, god damn it! You distracted me from the fight! Okay so... wait, where did all these people come from?

Red Daniel; Oh shit, it looks like a bunch of people got into the arena somehow. You think they'd be interested in my toes?

Acelegin; Someone must have left the door unlocked, and they wandered in off the street!

Red Daniel; It wasn't me this time! I swear!

Acelegin; Well, I set up security cameras this time, so we can verify that later. Anyway, it looks like Neomaria was able to gain some distance from Slender Man while I was distracted.

Red Daniel; Yep, and now Slender Man is brainwashing all the random people and sending them to attack her.

Acelegin; Not doing a lot of good. The Nightlanders are slaughtering anyone who gets close to her. Those poor bastards...

Red Daniel; Not gonna lie, I'm kinda into it.

Acelegin; That doesn't surprise me... Anyway, Slender Man has taken aim while the Nightlanders are busy with the brainwashed people, and has taken a shot at Neomaria. She reacted in time to avoid a lethal shot, but the bullet did graze her shoulder.

Red Daniel; Slender Man's taking another shot, and this time he's embedded a bullet in her upper forearm. She's dropped her pipe and is crying out in pain.

Acelegin; Slender Man is now reloading his gun. She's taken the chance to pick her pipe back up and is glancing around desperately. She's still surrounded by brainwashed people, and Slender Man has finished reloading and is taking aim again.

Red Daniel; Wait! She seems to have spotted something, and is running toward it!

Acelegin; Slender Man is firing at her, but the Nightlanders are blocking his shots. He's also sending his remaining brainwashed dudes to try and stop her.

Red Daniel; But where is she headed exactly?

Acelegin squints in the direction she's heading, then raises his brow in alarm.

Acelegin; Oh no! She's headed towards the open door that all those people came through! She's making a break for it!

Red Daniel; Slender Man has realized this as well, and is intensifying his pursuit. He's using his branches like spider webs in order to get at her faster.

Acelegin; Neomaria has realized that he's gaining on her and... holy shit...

Red Daniel; Whoa, yeah. Now she's riding a wave of Nightlanders to get the the exit sooner.

Acelegin; This would be totally badass under other circumstances, but I'm pretty sure contestants escaping is a bad thing...

Red Daniel; She's almost to the exit, and Slender Man's taking aim to try and stop her. But The Nightlanders block his shot right before... aaaaaand, she's crossed the threshold and slammed the door behind her...

Acelegin; And now Slender Man is looking up at us in what I can only assume is a confused expression...

Acelegin and Red Daniel sit in silence for a few moments.

Red Daniel; So, um... she's out of bounds, right?

Acelegin; I mean, technically, I guess... She's not in the arena anymore...

Red Daniel; So... does that mean she's disqualified?

Acelegin; I... I have no idea..

Red Daniel; So, what do we do now?

Acelegin; I... I'm thinking about that... I guess I can call the other announcers on Discord and see what they think...

Acelegin checks his phone.

Acelegin; Well, they're all offline... Okay, you know what? Here's what we're gonna do. I know a guy who might be able to track Neomaria down. I'll call him up and see if he can get her back here to continue the fight. While I'm doing that, you check the cams and see if you can figure out who the fuck opened that door.

Red Daniel; On it.

Acelegin; And Slender Man! You just hang tight until we can figure this out, okay?

Acelegin dials up a number on his phone.

Acelegin; Hello? Yes, this is the creator. Hey, you know all those times I retconned your death? Yeah, I'm gonna need to call in a favor for that...

Some time later, a distant alleyway.

Neomaria, exhausted, sits leaning against a building, panting. A man in dark clothing approaches her.

Man; Miss Mayhew, I presume?

Neomaria bolts upright in alarm.

Neomaria; How do you know my name!? Who are you!?

Man; My name is William Dawson. You can call me Bill.

Bill Dawson takes a step closer.

Neomaria; Stay back! If you come any closer-

Bill Dawson; They won't harm me.

Bill Dawson's right arm, along with the left side of his face and his hair shift into a strange, shadowy substance.

Bill Dawson; I'm on their side. At least, in this canon, anyway... It's how I know your name, and how I was able to find you.

Neomaria; I... I see...

Bill Dawson; I heard about your fight from Acelegin. He asked me to find you and bring you back. Any way I could convince you to finish your match.

Neomaria; (angrily) No! I didn't even want to be there in the first place! I was roped into it against my will! I just want-

Bill Dawson raises a hand to silence her.

Bill Dawson; I understand. A friend of the Shadows is a friend of mine. I'll inform Acelegin that you were hit by a train and killed while escaping. You'll be Scot-free.

Neomaria; Will he... believe that?

Bill Dawson rolls his eyes.

Bill Dawson; He's a fucking idiot. He won't question it.

Later, back in the announcer's booth.

Acelegin is on the phone with Bill Dawson.

Acelegin; I see. That's pretty tragic... Well, thank you for you help.

Acelegin hangs up as Red Daniel re-enters the booth.

Red Daniel; I skimmed the tapes. Some chick with a sword picked the lock and left the door open, with a sign saying “free beer”.

Acelegin; Well, that explains why s many people wandered in...

Red Daniel; Any news on the creepy-cute girl?

Acelegin; Dawson says she was hit by a train.

Red Daniel; And you believe him?

Acelegin; Fuck no! He's a genocidal sociopath! I don't trust a word he says.

Red Daniel; So what do we do?

Acelegin; You know what? This whole thing is killing my buzz. Let's just name Slender Man the winner and go home.

Red Daniel; Sounds good!

Acelegin; And Red?

Red Daniel; Yeah?

Acelegin; Wash your fuck fucking feet! I can still smell popcorn on them!

Red Daniel leans over the booth.

Red Daniel; Hey Slendy! Can I borrow one of your brain puppets for... toe sucking purposes?

Acelegin smacks Red Daniel on the back of the head.

Acelegin; Stop! It!

Round 7: The Jester vs Dr. Beakman

Greetings! Welcome back to our fine contest of wills! Today is a special treat as two of our surprise contestants will be fighting today. Which means one of them will be eliminated today... So... One of them will I guess not have amounted to much as a surprise... Oh well!

Our contestants today are two veteran characters in the mythos. Villains with long sordid histories. One is The Wooden Girl's Number One Psychopathic Follower, The Jester! He's well known for his incredibly sadistic tendencies and the other is The Plague Doctor's right hand man, Dr. Beakman! A cunning and manipulative man. While The Jester's presence in a blog usually means some brutal and disturbing stuff is gonna go down Dr. Beakman is more Cerebral. Often his hand brings with it various forms of madness!

Both of our contestants have agreed on an area to fight in beforehand so the wheel will not be used. Instead the fight will be taking place at The Shady Lawn psychiatric hospital. Now one might think that this gives Dr. Beakman home field advantage and that Jester is either stupid or overconfident to have agreed, but if Dr. Beakman was hoping for some kind of advantage that's going to be a problem since we actually just created a shoddy replica for the fight. Let's go.

The Jester and Dr. Beakman start at opposite ends of a wide room that includes a number of tables. It's a replica of the place in Shady Lawn where the patients can mingle and take part in fun activities, like being watched 24/7 by impassive guards and watching The Grotesque haunted patients twitch and spasm while they're murdered in their sleep.

Dr. Beakman has started the fight by tossing a syringe at Jester. Jester tries to dodge, but fails. The Syringe hits. The Syringe doesn't seem to have any effect though and Jester rushes towards Dr. Beakman slashing with his knife. The Knife cuts Dr. Beakman's arm as he raises it to block the slash and he stabs two more syringes into Jester. Some kind of liquid seems to be leaking from under Jester's mask as he continues to slash at the Doctor who continues to sacrifice his skin to block and has pulled out a scalpel and stabbed it into Jester's chest and then pulled it out and has begun to stab Jester in the neck repeatedly. Jester has collapsed to the ground and is twitching violently. Something feels off and Dr. Beakman seems to agree. He's reached down to remove Jester's Mask and it's... Not Jester! It's one of Jester's Misfits! Face specifically! He's definitely dead though. Like oh god is he dead. There's saliva and blood coming from his mouth and neck... Ugh... What the hell did Dr. Beakman inject into him. Regardless this does leave the question of where Jester actually i-

Oh... He's apparently beside me and he has just slid a knife into my side. It er... Hurts... Quite a bit.

"I imagine it does. Of course it's not stabbing into anything important, yet"

I... Er assume this is some kind of threat? You know I've like... Died so many times by this point this is hardly threatening.

"Well... You know about me right? What are the odds I'll let you just... Die?"

F... Fair point.

"So, what you're going to do for me is just declare me the winner,"

I can't do th- Oh god my kidney!

"Sure you can. I'm not here to fight Dr. Beakman. I'm here to fight and torment the other more amusing victims in this tournament. Besides the knife I gave face is poisoned so, the poor Doctor won't be alive to go through the rest of the tournament anyway,"

GAH MY SPLEEN! You make a very fair point! Jester Wins! Oh god no not my Liv-

Round 6: Alicia Owly vs. Jordan Dooling

Terrence Anathema is back again today, presiding over a peculiar arrangement for the sixth round of this tournament. Ladies, gentlemen, theydies, I can scarcely believe my eyes. Our first challenger is one Alicia Owly, who, I admit, dear audience, I haven't the faintest idea of who she is. I do, however, know of her opponent; I'd wager everyone here do, too. I mean, the blonde hair and guitar controller are dead giveaways. It's the one and only Jordan Dooling, who I've heard recently challenged the nuclear chaos Azathoth, that daemon sultan whose dreams are the fabric of our reality; and who, prior to that, fought alongside the slender man to defeat the world-eater Xanadu, Rapture himself. I think I know who we're all betting on to win this fight. Today they're fighting in a library. There's no one else around, so I imagine they won't be too worried about making noise during their fight.

Alicia is the one who breaks their silence. "Right, I have no idea who you are, but the Archive told me that they'd tell me what I need to know if I fight you." She pulls out a gun, checks it to make sure it's ready to be used, then slides it into her belt and puts on her weighted gloves, and drops into a fighting stance. "You ready?"

With that, she starts forward at top speed, intent on ending this round before it can start. However, before she can reach him, Jordan instead turns away from her and starts walking down one of the aisles of bookshelves, searching intently for something.

Why do the fights I preside over always devolve like this?

Alicia stops and stares at Jordan as he walks, in disbelief at this development.

"Jesus Christ, I'm trying to fight you, here. Why wouldn't you show any interest in defending yourself?" She begins readying herself for her pursuit to start again.

However, Jordan then turns to speak to her.

"Believe me, I'd usually love to just submit to a woman such as yourself at a time like this. However, I was in the middle of my Joyce studies when I was brought here, so I would rather continue with that. To do so, I need to find a copy of Finnegans Wake, so that's what I'm doing." And he again turns away to continue his search.

Alicia doesn't seem surprised by this. In fact, it looks to me like she's come up with a plan.

"Oh, is that all? Well, I happen to know this library like the back of my hand; I can tell you exactly where you'd find what you're looking for." At this, Jordan stops and turns to face her, and she continues: "However, you know as well as I do that I can't just give it to you. I'll tell you what, if you throw this fight, I'll tell you what you want to know, and then I'll learn what I need to know."

She's got Jordan's attention, I can tell from here. However, before he can accept her offer, she begins to convulse strangely. Her eyes glaze over, becoming a pale blue in colour. She goes limp for a moment, then reaches for her gun, though her motions are jerky and erratic, suggesting to me that she is resisting some new force that is controlling her.

"Can you see seas rise, Jordan? Or are you in twosome twiminds about your second sight?"

Sounds to me like EAT has taken over Alicia's body somehow. I'm half-tempted to disqualify her, but I realise that it was not her intention to be possessed during her fight, so I'll let it slide. "Looks like you'll have to fight this one out, Jordan," I say to him.

"Tiger Stripes, don't fail me now," he mumbles in reply, and readies himself for the coming fight. This is exciting, dear readers; I never expected a development like this to happen in a fight I'm narrating.

EAT-licia begins firing her gun at Jordan, who dodges behind a nearby bookcase. I imagine he'll attempt to flank his opponent in an attempt to get that gun away from her. After a few moments of crouch-running through the corridors of books, he does successfully get behind EAT-licia and goes for his sneak-strike to disarm her.

However, she turns to face him before he can land his attack, and produces a book from behind her back. It's Finnegans Wake. Jordan stops his attack for fear of damaging the object of his studies. EAT-licia then gets her gun out again and shoots the book.

Jordan is beginning to seethe with rage, it looks like. Will this be enough for him to overcome his opponent and avenge the fallen labyrinth of text? He thrusts his guitar controller forward at her stomach.

However, his attack is effortlessly dodged, and EAT-licia counters him by swiftly striking his own stomach with a weighted punch, then another to his neck. Jordan goes down with a dull thud, writhing on the ground in what looks like a tonne of agony. He's not getting up from that, I think. Therefore, I think I can safely declare Alicia Owly to be the winner of this round, in what could easily be the upset of the ages.

However, there is one last surprise to be seen in this encounter. Alicia's eyes regain their initial colour, which I assume means that EAT is no longer controlling her. She looks down at the crumpled body of her former opponent, then notices the destroyed copy of the Wake at her feet. She doesn't appear to be surprised by this, and she then retrieves a second copy of that eldritch sacred text from a nearby shelf, then places it atop Jordan's now-inert guitar controller for him to find when he recovers.

"I'm sorry it had to come to that, man," she says, then turns to leave their battleground to meet her contact from the Archive, who seems satisfied with this turn of events. It looks to me, dear reader, that even though Jordan lost the fight, everyone won this round in the end. Ain't that nice?

Round 5: Kaden Crowley vs Kai Ling

It's time for our fifth round!

In the right corner we have Kaden Crowley wearing his trademark fox mask and holding a mean looking knife. While in the left corner we have Kai Ling who seems to be unarmed. I'm not sure that's a good idea on his part. Then again teenagers aren't known for their good life decisions.

Now let's spin the wheel to find out where these two will be fighting.

*suspense noises *

*ding * The underground parking lot!

On your marks, set, GO!

Kaden immediately runs behind a car. Kai starts running towards him.

Wait, is that? Yes it is, Kai has found a rifle just laying there on the ground. How lucky. He picks it up and checks if it's loaded. It appears it indeed is. Satisfied Kai nods and readies his new weapon.

Kaden jumps out from behind a car and tries to attack Kai from behind. The echo of his footsteps betrays his presence and Kai swings around, he opens fire.

He misses.

He shoots a second time and misses again?

Wait no that was a direct hit but Kaden isn't being affected by the bullets? Is this Kaden just an illusion then?

Kai is confused and just keeps firing his rifle until he runs out of bullets.

Then Kaden is upon him and the gun disappears?!

“illusions,” Kaden whispers as he lunges his knife towards Kai.

Kai's eyes widen in shock he tries to step back to avoid the attack. He isn't fast enough, the knife plunges into his shoulder! He cries out.

Kaden pulls the knife back out. Before he can try to stab again Kai's foot is on his chest.

Kaden falls to the ground with a loud thud. The knife slips from his grasp and goes flying across the floor.

Kai sprints towards the knife.

Kaden gets back on his feet, turns and runs away again.

Kai grabs the knife and chases after him.

They zigzag through the cars and pillars. Kai is slowly gaining on Kaden.

Kaden slides behind a large van. When Kai catches up there are suddenly two Kadens waiting for him.

The Kadens suddenly sprint in opposite directions. One of them heads toward the exit, the other toward the elevator. Kai hesitates.

Then he makes a choice and heads towards the elevator.

The Kaden there presses the elevator button and the door opens. He sees Kai running towards him and quickly steps into the elevator. He rapidly keeps pressing the button for the door to close.

The door starts to close but Kai is faster. The door closes behind him.

Uh.. do we have any cameras in there?

We don't.

Well that's a problem.

Wait, the doors are opening again.

Kai steps out, the knife is covered in blood. Kaden lies in a pool of blood inside the elevator.

The other Kaden fades away.

Kai drops the knife, his hands are shaking.

The elevator behind him closes again. It starts going down. There's not supposed to be a down, huh.

Either way, our winner is Kai Ling! Congratulations!